I am tired of checking that blog every day only to find that old post despite all the promises; I’m sad that letters don’t arrive anymore and all I do is wait!

I hate the fact that I am unable to write or do anything about it, I hate being lonely even though there is someone there and I hate this pathetic kind of posting. Yeah, I suck! Meh… I should just wait, shouldn’t I?

my world just collapsed

It’s been a long time since I last posted something here and to be honest I don’t quite know if I should keep this little corner of myself online anymore. I mean, I have no inspiration, I can’t write anything worth reading no matter how much I try… and it sucks! Yeah, I’ve been used to be able to write whenever I wanted but now it seems that something isn’t working right.

I stand in the front of my notebook looking at the screen and think about what I should write and I find nothing at all; it’s like my mind is empty. So I’ll give myself some time to decide if to close shop or not (I don’t want to take advantage of Nimic.org and stay online without new content or visitors just to waste their storage space).

Yey! Twenty one, this is the lucky number this month. Indeed still in love and happy.

Besides this I just found out that on the 3rd of June (yeah, this month) Fredo and Pidjin get two years old (or if you will 100 episodes). I wish the a happy birthday and send a little female company for Pidjin (with Fredo’s support of course). You can find more on the anniversary here.

Life just likes to fuck with me, it’s that simple. You know, the hardest thing to feel is loneliness especially when you know there’s someone there for you but they have their own stuff to do and so you don’t want to stress them with stupid things…

Too sad to: write, sleep, listen to music, game, live.

It’s strange how all the world conspires to make a certain event take place or to send a certain message. Some may call it faith while others may just deny it and call it chance or just a coincidence; well, no matter what you want to call it it seams that it just struck me today (yeah, I know, I was on it’s blacklist).

To better understand what I’ll quote at the end of this post (at least I think it will be at the end) I would like to make some confessions:

• I’m in love (this is for those who don’t quite see the obvious)
• I can suffer
• I do suffer because it is the way I remind myself that I can feel
• I make other people suffer (on purpose or not)
• I’m sad after making the ones I love suffer.
• Some people consider me being emo (I won’t comment upon this, it’s their opinion).

OK, so lately I’ve made a certain special person suffer; I’ve made her suffer a lot. By doing this I made myself suffer and I may have given the impression that it’s her fault that I’m suffering. It’s not! I’ve been thinking about love a great deal lately and found only that I love loving and having some-one there for me.

To conclude, while watching Daria today to cheer myself up faith came and threw a line at me, a line that fits in perfectly and makes everything clear. The same faith that made her miss that last subway train.

Emotional involvement can bring pleasure and extraordinay pain but it’s still better than not feeling anything at all…

I’ll try and be brief about this one because I wasn’t in my good state of mind while attending the courses so I don’t quite remember all the details and ideas. Sucks, I know.

At Therapy and Athos Robert continued his presentation of the life of a monk/priest by telling us about the 3 voes one must make (obedience, poverty and chastity) in order to become a monk/priest and we discussed about each one of them and how they apply in real life. We also talked about the life at monasteries at Athos and a lengthy discussion focused on the interdiction that states that women can’t visit the place. We also talked about the life of Saint Paisie who lived a long time at Athos and had an important influence. A guest was also present on the second day of the course, Cristi if I remember well, who was graduated the Christian Seminary.

In Identity and Discrimination we watched Malena, a movie centered on a women living in a town in Italy during World War 2. Unfortunately I couldn’t see the beginning of the movie so I don’t quite know much about it. All I do know is that at one point she became a prostitute (after her husband left to go to war I was told) and the other women in the town brutally beat her and banish her from town. We discussed if discrimination is inevitable and spent some time discussing if religious symbols such as icons, crosses and others should be displayed in Romanian schools.

Sometimes feelings and memories forgotten come back… they appear from nowhere, hit you and leave you standing in a puddle of regret, hope, sadness and blackness. You struggle to avoid them if you are lucky enough to see them coming but it’s useless… you see them coming and you stand still although you know the consequences.

You spend a couple of days recovering the hit and run accident (was it really and accident?) just to find yourself missing those feelings again, missing those times, those smells, those places, those scars and bruises on your neck, the letters sent and received and you wonder “Where are all those things so dear?”

Together… holding hands.

OK, the first 2 courses of Cogito Ergo Sum have come and passed. I was there, at least at two very interesting courses: Therapy and Athos, a course about psychotherapy and religion held by Bogdan Tăut and Robert Antonescu and Identity and Discrimination, a course which clearly states its goal (identity - value - difference) held by Delia Niţă. Read the rest of this entry »