Why did you have fall in love? Weren’t you miserable enough without being in love? Kisses, promises, chocolate, sunshine and rain. You were a lonely person, you liked the way you were and now you are trapped between two worlds, not belonging to any of them; trapped between loneliness and crowds, between misery and love, happiness and depression. You love her, you really do and she loves you too, but sometimes you just feel like there is no room for you in her heart, in her world.

You can’t ask her to change what she is and you can’t ask her to stop becoming what she wants, you don’t even want to do those things. You just want for it to be like the first moments, shy kisses, laughter and hands holding. Memories, damn memories, they always love making fools of all of us.

You stand alone in your empty room reading the letters that she used to give you; you used to talk about all the things in the world, you used to write to each other and now all those things ceased. It’s like a tiny universe collapsed on itself killing the only two people that lived there. Could you ever be the one she deserves and wishes, could you be to her as she is to you?

“In recent news, millions of butterflies from all over the world have suddenly died in a strange and silent ritual. Scientist remain baffled as no known cause can be found to such behavior.”

The hallway was empty and dull; it seemed like a relic of a time long passed, a time in which happiness and sunshine were everywhere. The hallway was the one thing that had seen all the emotions of life, from happiness to despair, from laughter to cries… it had seen children running and teachers talking seriously with each other; it had seen lovers kiss and enemies fight. Too bad the school had to be closed.

A broken down door was hanging open, above it the letters “12 A” engraved in its frame. It was always the place I belonged to even though I spent most of my time there in another room, the one whose name and only mark was “C”. The empty room was silent and sad like a broken down soul and the footsteps sounded strange on the floor. The benches were rotten by moisture and the dust covered all of the bookcases.

“Welcome students! I’m Ms. D. and I wish you a new and fulfilling year! Oh, and remember, keep an open mind if you want to achieve anything in this school.”

Now everything was silent and dead, the lights were turned off and the windows were broken. Just like a dead wale on the shore, everything was still and lifeless. The days of joy and hope were long gone…

Rain running down; summer rains, who can predict them? The sky was grey and full of clouds and the raindrops were coming down on the city like the tears of angels above. The weather was warm and the wind was blowing and all of nature’s belongings were dancing in the breeze.

We were sitting in bed listening to the rain falling on the rooftops and talking; planning our lives, hoping and loving each other. The phone rang and you had to go to work… it was Monday even though the weather would have kept anyone off the streets.

The next day you told me that you felt that there was no room for you in my world and you left. That was all the talk we had, all the reasons given and all the words spoken. As you shut the door behind you I felt the world collapse around me, the sun suddenly turned black and life ended.

It was indeed a summer of tears, of memories and forgotten promises… it was the beginning of my change and it was the time I realized who I was and what I had to do.

Yey! Twenty one, this is the lucky number this month. Indeed still in love and happy.

Besides this I just found out that on the 3rd of June (yeah, this month) Fredo and Pidjin get two years old (or if you will 100 episodes). I wish the a happy birthday and send a little female company for Pidjin (with Fredo’s support of course). You can find more on the anniversary here.

Life just likes to fuck with me, it’s that simple. You know, the hardest thing to feel is loneliness especially when you know there’s someone there for you but they have their own stuff to do and so you don’t want to stress them with stupid things…

Too sad to: write, sleep, listen to music, game, live.